We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
