I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
