my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
