I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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