Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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