I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
