that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
