I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
