hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
