Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
