feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
