i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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