p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
