Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
