Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
