ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
