Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
