i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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