My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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