Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
