I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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