That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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