sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
this will be a night to untag.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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