I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize