Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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