i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
