Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
