At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
