New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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