So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
