I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
