we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
