So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize