Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
