I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
