So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's Friday. Sex?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
