absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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