just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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