He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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