oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
