Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
