I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
