Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
