dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize