I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
