Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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