You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize