just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
