This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
