hotel room ftw
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
