and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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