When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
