i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
