if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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