i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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