let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
