you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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