I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
